What do we mean by ‘positive attitude’?

I was reading my Instructor’s training manual, written by Master Farhad Dordar and given to me as a tool for improving my leadership qualities, when I got inspired to blog about a paragraph I came across. Check this out:

“Instructors must understand that the martial arts are not just about how to kick higher or punch harder, but also about improving our general outlook, our social skills and our concentration.

In improving our character traits and focusing on the positive, we build confidence and create the right state of mind to encourage further growth and development in ourselves and the students we work with.

Having a positive attitude allows us to solve problems and helps students to see that the goals we set are attainable.”

This was significant for me because it reminds me of a story my mom has told a few times recently about me when I was little boy (about 7 or 8). She had apparently just had a very stressful day at work and was rewarded by mother nature with a car accident as she was driving me home from daycare. She immediately broke down mentally because of the stress and the fact that she didn’t want to deal with anything else so frustrating that day. Apparently the difference maker was when I stepped up and said, “Mom, it’s okay. This has happened to us, and now the only way we can get home is to calm down and deal with it.” Apparently she immediately raised her head, a revelation born, and the situation was dealt with. We were home, and happy to relax, in no time at all.

Ever since, she often reminds me about how that comment affected her. Allowing feelings such as frustration or helplessness claim the very workings of your mind is one of the most difficult crutches to walk with. What I think I taught her, in retrospect as a 23 year old, is that our lives (and time itself) are designed to progress ceaselessly, and the only way to move gracefully through the steps that must be taken is to do so with a commanding grasp of whats going on around you. Allowing antagonist emotions to overwhelm your logic and reason is no different from an ostrich who buries his head in the ground to avoid his problems; they’re still there, they know where you are and they aren’t resolving themselves. I use the ostrich metaphor for a reason (even though it’s not actually true, they don’t bury their heads), because the way to salvage the situation is similar in concept. You have to take a moment to collect yourself, and actually mentally remove your head from the ground. You must do so willingly and knowingly. You might even try it right now if you want to practice. Get a hold of where your mind is and take as much conscious control of it as you can. Speak for yourself, but when I do it everything around me becomes noticeably more vivid and I can clear-mindedly think about things such as finishing my chores. Only when everything fades away to ambiance again do I realize I’m back on autopilot, where the evil emotions lurk to interfere with my progress throughout the day, and my decisions become slower and are less-so mine and more-so my nature’s. We should all learn to jump between these two places and when to do so.

Having a positive attitude is either something you’re gifted with, or something which you can teach yourself once you realize that you don’t want to lose any more of your life to the aforementioned problems we face with antagonist emotions and crippling frustration. Having a positive attitude is all about learning how to first recognize that your heads in the ground and pulling it out, then once everything around you is more vivid and you’re in control, then looking at your problem with new eyes and telling yourself what I told my mother so many years ago: “This has happened to us, and now the only way we can get home is to calm down and deal with it.” You may as well throw in some other maintenance techniques while you’re upstairs, before you return to your body to actually deal with the problem. These are some good ones, using examples from a list which Master Farhad has put in my martial arts instructor’s book:

• Correct use of language. Language should always be positively phrased. Avoid using words such as no, can’t, etc.

• Positive behavior is modeled by showing control, respect, humility and honesty. Instructors should be humble and not show off.

• Positive behavior is modeled through body language; by having a smile on your face, working with people and being in control of the environment.

• Be encouraging. Spread positive energy to help motivate them to be the best they can be in class and in their life.

• Positive attitude will show when you have self-confidence and discipline, and believe in your own power to succeed.

• Through names. Names build a sense of community and friendship which encourages participation and therefore learning.

• Focus all your attention on the present. Make it a good place to be.

There are others, but these are the ones I like the most. Hell, lets even add some of our own to the list, I have one:

• Love yourself, and know that by letting a situation get the best of you that you are hurting yourself, and it’s not cool to hurt those you love.

Try to add one yourself while you’re here.

Os!